Getting Knocked Down..And Getting Up..

Gee, you talk about closure on one topic and then something else comes up and smacks you right in the face!

Awful. Just awful.

But you have to find a way to get back up, again and again.

My employer required me to take a special state exam since they would not accept the a license from my previous employer, even though they would be accepted at other employers within the same industry. The exam is very complicated and legalistic; 2.5 hours long. It deals primarily with state securities law. In my opinion, it is for securities lawyers.

They gave me 1.5 weeks to study for it.

I passed, but was very annoyed about the politics surround this. I will leave it alone for now....

It has been very, very difficult for me to just sit down and try to post. I am not sure if I want to say this because of the holidays; the crap at work or just some internal struggle with realistically trying to find closure with the lost of Bianca. I think we/I did find closure. I mean, we have two wonderful kittens - Bailey & Leo - now who have added so much zest around here. But alas, there seems to be this unconfirmed void. When we lost Ricky in February, later, I would have these dreams about him. So far, no dreams about Bianca. But we miss her...and we are definitely recovering...remembering her..

Time heals, but how much time? I am inclined to believe that the majority of people who make that statement, don't know the real magnitude of pain that suffering can inflict.

Consider:

Mom is going into the hospital for some major surgery - hysterectomy - and at the age of 68 it doesn't seem like something the doctors are eager to do. Moreover, the fact that the procedure is being done at a renown cancer facility makes matters even more frightening for me and my family. I am told that the lump they are removing is the size of a tangerine. It will be immediately tested. Again, the fact that she is having the hysterectomy in the cancer hospital is not by accident.

I am not stupid.

So, in less than 2 months, I lost a pet I have owned for 6 years; spent a week of my vacation time preparing for a securities law exam that is basically a duplicate of another license I hold; and now within 48 hours, I will go see my mother prepare for her hysterectomy and hope that the tangerine-size mass is not cancerous.